From Snooze-City to Holy Cow: T-Bone Car Crash Animation Just Turned the Courtroom Upside Down
Okay, so… hang on, my coffee’s about to spill. There. Whew. Alright, where was I? Oh yeah! So you’re not gonna believe this, but I swear on my mother’s grave it’s true. Well, she’s not dead yet, but you know what I mean. So there’s this motorcycle crash case, right? Total nightmare. Guy didn’t make it. Just awful. Makes you wanna… I don’t know, wrap your kids in bubble wrap or something. Anyway, I’m in court, right? Bored out of my skull, thinking about what I’m gonna have for lunch. Pastrami, maybe? And then BAM! These lawyers come in with this… uh… what do you call it? Like a video game thing? But of the crash? I’m sitting there thinking, “Did someone spike my coffee or what?”
Why’s This Such a Big Flippin’ Deal?
Okay, so normally these cases are about as exciting as watching paint dry in slow motion. But this? Holy guacamole. It was like… you know when you’re watching a movie and you forget you’re watching a movie? Like that. They’ve got this van on the screen, right? And it’s… hold on, my phone’s buzzing. Ugh, spam call. Where was I? Oh yeah, the van. So it’s swerving all over the place like my Uncle Lou after too many beers at the family BBQ. And the poor motorcycle guy… man, it was like… you ever see a cat try to avoid a vacuum cleaner? Kinda like that, but way worse. And get this – $4.9 million settlement. I actually did a spit-take. No joke. Ruined my tie. That’s like… I don’t know, how many tacos could you buy with that? A lot. That’s how many.
It’s Not Just About the Cash (But Holy Moly, That’s a Lot of Moolah)
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Dude, that’s more money than I’ll see in a million years!” And yeah, it is. But here’s the thing – and I hate to be a downer – but we’re talking about someone who kicked the bucket here. It’s heavy stuff, you know? Makes you think about… I don’t know, mortality and junk. But here’s what’s got my brain doing somersaults. This motorcycle accident settlement… it’s like a giant neon sign saying, “Hey, morons! Don’t drive like you’re in Fast and Furious!” It’s like… hold on, gotta sneeze. ACHOO! Excuse me. Where was I? Oh yeah, it’s like a wake-up call, you know?
Is This What Lawyering’s Gonna Be Like Now? (I’m Too Dang Old for This)
So I’m sitting there, watching all this crazy stuff, right? And I’m thinking, “Great, now I gotta figure out how to turn on a computer without setting it on fire.” I mean, I still can’t figure out how to make my TV stop flashing 12:00, for crying out loud! But seriously, what’s next? Are we gonna use this fancy-pants tech for everything? Like, I don’t know, long-term disability lawsuits? What, are we gonna make a Pixar movie about someone’s chronic back pain? Or maybe whip up some Star Wars-style holograms to show long-term disability after stroke? It’s enough to make your brain leak out your ears.
What’s Coming Down the Pike? Robot Lawyers? (Just Shoot Me Now)
Look, I’m not saying we’re all gonna be replaced by some AI lawyer named… I don’t know, HAL 9000 or whatever. At least I hope not. I’ve still got a boat payment to make. And a car payment. And… you know what, never mind. I’m depressing myself. But man oh man, things are changing faster than my ex-wife’s hair color. It’s like, either we keep up or we’re gonna be left in the dust like… like… what’s something that gets left in the dust? Tumbleweeds? Yeah, like tumbleweeds. But here’s the thing – and maybe I’m just being a crusty old fart here – but all this tech wizardry doesn’t mean beans if you can’t talk to real people. You know what I mean? Like, you can have all the bells and whistles and… what are those spinny things? Fidget spinners? Yeah, those. But if you can’t make a jury feel something in their gut, you might as well hang up your… your… what do lawyers hang up? Their degrees? Their suits? Ah, you know what I mean. So yeah, this $4.9 million whopper? It’s a real… uh… what do you call it when your mind’s blown? Brain explosion? Yeah, that. It’s like a kick in the pants for all us fossils in the legal world. The future’s here, whether we like it or not. And apparently, it comes with a side of… of… what’s that stuff they put on movies to make them look real? CGI! That’s it. But hey, at least it makes the job more interesting, right? Beats reading dusty old law books all day. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go ask my grandkid how to use this newfangled iPad thingy. These gadgets are more confusing than… than… ah, forget it. I’m too tired to think of another comparison. Where’s my coffee?
